[Storytime #2] My definition of anxiety
Let’s start with what anxiety disorder means to me.
The reason why it’s about “me”, is because this stress has a different meaning to every person; just like the unique faces of the phantoms who terrorises each and every one of us.
Anxiety disorder to me is myself; to be more exact, it’s my young self. When I close my eyes and look at anxiety itself I see the seven or eight-year-old me, the young me with braided hair, the young terrified duckling that’s first exposed to water, with tears gushing down like a waterfall. That’s why anxiety and I are inseparable, as it is fused into me. The occasional throbs that aches my heart, the tearful hysterias on the MTR amongst a sea of people… these just seem to be part of my life. Similar to how adults forgot their first steps or first words, I forgot the first time I felt pain too. All I remember is frequenting hospitals when I was a kid, just to find a diagnosis for my palpitations.
No one expected the condition of a little girl aged seven to have anything to do with mental health. They tried ultrasounds, electrocardiograms, but my heart looks as healthy as anyone else — but then, no one took me to the psychiatrist. It just seemed that everyone is looking for a lie within the apparent truth. That’s the reason I couldn’t come out with my anxiety for a long time because I’m hid behind the façade of a faulty heart.
By Admin L
